Where I belong

I was trying to think of what I would title this blog. I'm listening to The Beatles right now, Sgt. Peppers to be exact and the song "Fixing a hole" came on. These lyrics which I have heard a thousand times before and never absorbed suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and it all fell into place for me:

"And it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong
I’m right
Where I belong I’m right
Where I belong
See the people standing there who
Disagree and never win
And wonder why they don’t get in my door"

So the question is, where DO I belong?

I have gotten into the habit of writing to S and just letting things flow out of me and the thing that I was able to verbalize today which I have never been able to say quite like this before was this: I want my home to be my sanctuary. In short, I want to be able to close the door each night and leave the world outside and "not let them in my door". I want to feel as free in my home, as careless as I did when I was a child. Without a care in the world. I want to feel like nothing can touch me when I am home with S. And I want to be able to regress into childhood there if I want to.

So then the answer is where I belong is with him, and it matters little where that is, as long as I can have that feeling. As much as I find Toronto the least dynamic of all our options, I think that is where I can have this. I can also have a lot of things that I have been missing there. I miss my mom, my family, and my girlfriends. MY GOD! DO I MISS THEM.

The list is long, but the things I miss other than the people are dancing, galleries, movies, international food, (Topping that list is SODA and Saigon Plalace) and lets not forget my weaknesses; Second Cup coffee and B&R Mint Chocolate chip ice cream! BRING IT ON..........