ONE WEEK LEFT

And I am SO excited I can hardly sit still.

A week today, at this moment being 2:40 in the pm, I should be on the way to Sofia, and he should have already landed!

This weekend is cleaning, organizing, making space, moving furniture around, and bathing stinky old Oscar time. Its 14 degrees out there, sunny and ALL the snow is melting. I hope it stays this way. My guy doesnt like the cold.

Went for lunch with Cami again for out new tradition of pizza and a salad oh Fridays, which we share, but I always feel like I eat most of it, and now we both stink of smoke. Its too bad too coz I really like this restaurant but its too smokey. My guy dont like smoke either.

I cant wait to get home today and take Oscar out for a run in this weather. He is LOVING the longer walks and he is more alert and cheerful. Like his mom.

We have had several power outages though and the other night it seemed to me as if I was being watched. I had had a late shower and came out to dry my hair, and as soon as I reached for the hairdryer, the lights went out. So I wrapped a towel around my head, lit a few candles and got into bed with Oscar. As soon as we were about to fall asleep, the lights went on. I got up, blew out the candles, went over to the hairdryer, and as soon as I reached out for it, the lights went out AGAIN! Back in bed we went with the candles and the towel on my wet hair, but the next time the lights went on, I jumed up, grabbed the dryer and dried my hair in 8 minutes. As soon as I turned the dryer off, guess what happened? You guessed it...The lights went out AGAIN!

We gave up and went to sleep.

I could have sworn someone was having a good old chuckle at my expense though!

Time to get comatose. Its staff meeting time again. YAWN....

St. Valentines Day

One of my cheeky students asked me who I would be spending Valenties with and I said Oscar. I guess I better buy him some sort of a treat today for Vday. I'll celebrate my Valentines on the 24th when S gets here, thats when!

I am having a real issue with students all speaking at the same time in class. I ask ONE student the answer and 6 or 7 yell it out all together. I mean what the hell is that? How many students do I have with the same name anyway? Any suggestions out there? I ahve considered a water pistol with a really stinky stiky substance in it. I have good aim after all :))))

Im sapped for energy today so I dont have a lot to say. I have eaten an unusual amount of chocolate and I think I am coming down from that now. Me not know! :(

Till tomorrow folks, enjoy your loved one. Wink!

What makes a place livable

As I sat down to write tonight's blog, I had no idea what I was going to write about. I got my iPod, put on Bach's Cello Suites with YoYo Ma (Or Yo Mama as my students used to say in Korea) and this topic just popped into my head.

I have a fairly quaint pad here in Bulgaria. Its new, modern, walkout to a back yard, bright, good windows, albeit the bathroom is out in the hallway and therefore cold as an icebox, but it has more good points than bad.

My school is also new, modern, my colleagues are nice enough, though I have to say after 5 months here I don't know very many of them. The ones I do make a point of knowing I like a lot. My students are good, they study eventhough they talk a blue streak in class.

So why isn't this place cutting it for me? Why is it SO hard to be here.

I think one very big reason is because I am used to living in bigger cities. Brent seems to be having no problem, granted he does have a Bulgarian girlfriend. But he is also learning Bulgarian at an astonishing rate, and is taking on some Bulgarian ways of life. Most importantly he is from a very small US city.

So I have to ask myself: What makes a place livable, and why is it I don't think this place is? Not long-term anyway.

Well this question has a lot to do with your personality. If you are an introvert, a small town might suit you just fine. If you are a solitary person and don't mind days and days of no one calling you, (except from abroad), no one inviting you over, or out even, then a small town might suit your fancy.

But looking back to my days in Korea, by month 5 I had a circle of Canadian and American friends (Not to mention the Irish) and I did something almost every night with them. I remember Thursday nights, meeting Allison at the Korean fast food joint downtown and eating some Kimpap (Koreas answer to California rolls) and soup or whatever, and heading to the now diseased Blue Monkey for a pint of beer, and a game or two of scrabble while the trivia game ensued.

Fridays we were at the (also deceased) OH MY GOD WHAT WAS IT CALLED??? hole-in-the-ground-foreigner pub which closed down the night of my birthday party in 2005. It was a community, a family and it was close and fun. We treasured it a different way because it was for a limited time and we all knew that. I made friends there I will never lose touch with, Allison, Paula, Matthew, Ryan and Roper to name but a few. They are scattered worldwide now. I think that is so cool.

But I digress. A common Faridani trait!

I personally need variety. Long ago I realized I needed a job with the widest circle of repetition possible so as not to bore me doing the same thing day in and day out. That to me is Death of the soul. Teaching does offer the variety I need. If it doesn't offer it, its MY classroom and I can create it. I admit it isn't as exciting as photography, but on some levels, on some days it is even more so. Kids amaze me constantly and I make that my prize each day.

Personally speaking though, I also need that large circle of repetition. I need to DO stuff. I need to dance, learn, exercise, socialize, philosophize, romantisize and all the other sizes. But I DO need variety and a small town like this doesn't offer much. Inviting people over and cooking for them is only interesting for so long. Window shopping loses its appeal real soon. So whats left?

And this weekend was a back-breaker. Emotionally speaking.

I cleaned, went shopping with a co-worker, made us lunch, baked a cake and then made dinner and watched a film at my place. You might say I did a lot in one day. True. It left nothing for Sunday and I was bored stiff and rather depressed. Everything I tried to do, didn't materialize and then the lights went out in the middle of my bagel baking and I ended up with hockey pucks with holes in them. I was pissed! I am still trying to eat them though, but I want to avoid a broken tooth so I am going to give up on that idea pronto.

I have touched on the answer to my question but I haven't even formulated a coherent answer in my head. All I know is I need friends, I need a social life, I need extra-curricular activities, I need multiculturalism, I need excitement. I guess I need a big city. And dammit I need to go see a flipping film!!!!

As beautiful as you are Turnovo, and I am sure come Spring, I will love you more, You haven't won my hearty. I don't know where my heart lies, but it isn't here. You are a quaint little town, nice to visit but I don't think I want to live here.

Mondialogo

Fridays are staff meeting days. I usually try to sit here and not look too comatose while everyone goes on and on in Bulgarian, but today there was something of interest.

Modialogo is a UNESCO funded international school competition and I think I might just take this one on. We have registered and the details are on www.mondialogo.org

I think this is something I can combine with the theatre group, and have some fun with it.

Now UNESCO is an organization I would love to work for, but I wonder if it is possible or if I have to have a Masters or PhD in world issues to be considered by them. I guess it wont hurt to try.

Before the staff meeting I had quite an easy day. My Fridays are an early finish this term as I teach 4 classes only. I am done at 11:35. I then went to lunch with Cami and then to lunch again with the English Department to discuss next term (second time I ate yogurt). Then we came back to a birthday celebration, Jenna the Biology teacher (who has a Boa constrictor as a pet) was celebrating a birthday, and that flowed into the staff meeting.

This weekend I have a couple of fun things planned. I promised the little chocolate monster Detelina that I would try my hand at chocolate cake. And I also want to bake some bagels if possible. Tsveti, the Hebrew teacher is coming to my place tomorrow morning to go "window shopping" and then in the evening we have an evening of Cuba Libres and stir fry planned. Not exactly congruent but there you have it. We will also rent a film and make good use of my DVD player.

Tonight I am making a Dahl Curry (hopefully not a dull curry) and B&D are coming to chow down and watch "Girl with a pearl earring" with me. I think Brent might sit out that one.

All this combined with my hunt for a dry-cleaners, Oscar walks, and listening to more REM should make for a fun enough weekend. I have to read up on Mondialogo and apply to UNESCO for work.

Allison, I hope to chat with you this weekend too.

Cartoon Controversy

For days now, I have been hearing about this issue which seems to be mushrooming globally. I am really outraged at this, angry at both sides really.

Didn't the west learn when Karl Laggerfeld (was it) used Islamic script, taken from the Koran on his designer clothes? He was wise enough to apologize publicly and remove the line completely.

Now Europeans are taking images of Mohammad, and reproducing it and calling it "freedom of speech". Come on people! It is sacrelige and that's that! They should know better than to fuel a fire that is waiting to combust. And to turn around and say it is their right to do this is really very self-assertive (for lack of a better word). Or is it better to say self-rightous?

Who, other than Muslims can decide what is right and wrong within their religion, and why cant western FREE PRESS respect their wishes for once? Put freedom of expression aside, this is against a religion, and the largest religion in the world might I add. Why do we have to be SO pig-headed? Is it THAT important to be right all the time? And isn't it more gratifying to take pride in honoring another religion or belief even if it doesn't make sense to you personally? What hapeened to honoring religion in the first place?

So now, they are getting their just desserts as far as I am concenrned. And Fundamentalists are running with it. In case we have forgotten, this is what fundamentalism means:

fun·da·men·tal·ism A usually religious movement or point of view characterized by a return to fundamental principles, by rigid adherence to those principles, and often by intolerance of other views and opposition to secularism. (www.dictionary.com)

We label them as such but then we decide to push them to the limit, and then stand back and say "What savages!!!". Well just as I am in agreement of animals trying to protect their habitat (which humans are taking away from them) by attacking them in their own homes, I agree with this. They have every right to be doing what they are doing. We said "The hell with your religious laws" by deliberately and blatantly publishing something SO against thier beliefs, and now, we sit back and watch the backlash with disgust.

I for one am with the Muslims on this one eventhough I am not Muslim. I think the west is going too far and we will shoot ourselves in the foot unless we stop acting like children who always need to be right.

Music

As mentioned earlier this week, you sometimes dont notice how much you miss something till you lose it, and then have it again.

Take REM for example. They are my ALL-TIME favorite band. I have seen them in concert three times, once with Sean in 1997, once with a co-worker in 1999 and last time with Tobi in 2003, a few days before leaving for Korea. I have only a couple of their recent CDs here. I miss the old stuff from the 80s. Ava asked if she could download some music for me and the first thing I said was REM! So she did.

AND CAN I SAY I LOVE MP3S??

On one cd she managed to fit almost their entire discography. I was listening to Eponymous last night as well as Dead letter office, Document, and Green and that isnt even half of what is on the disk.

I forget sometimes how much of a downer TV can be for me and how much of an upper music is. Even with my small dinky speakers (MUST GET PROPER SPEAKERS) I had a party of one last night in my flat, dancing about to old REM which reminded me of my high school and theatre days. Oscar made for a fine spectator though he was a wee bit confused. He hadn't seem me like that in a while.

I had a blast and I am in such a good mood today. I cant wait to get home and play more of this. I have also requested Norah Jones, Morcheeba, and some other stuff. I dont feel bad about this piracy because these are all CDs I have in Canada, but miss here. So I have paid them my royalties.

I also put the word out for movies. These kids are techie freaks so many have films copied from the net. Martin, another student in my grade 8 class brought me about half a dozen films today including Mr. and Mrs Smith. As dumb as the plot is, I think Pitt might make good eye candy for a night.

So there it is. Between the films, great music and a season 2 of LOST on Sunday nights, I should be fine for the next little while.

The next things to do are to start the theatre club, and join the gym. Then, next thing you know its July, and off to Jordan and Turkey we will go. Petra here I come!

stuff

I have nothing in particular to write about but a lot of little different things

It began snowing again here 2 nights ago. I took Oscar out at about 10 and saw that the nursery next door had a nice fenced-in playground behind it. I took Oscar Man there and he was so excited over the snow that he started running circles around me and did about 50 laps. He tired himself out quite well and I ended up bringing him home and watching him crash out straight away.

I took him there again last night and he wasnt into it at all. Then I realized it had snowed more and it was actually too high for his short little legs. Poor pup. He wanted to paly but couldnt run in the snow very well. We came home instead.

My co-worker Camelia has bought a big Pedigree bone for Oscar as a treat. He's going to love that. Camelia has become my walking home partner and the walk home is starting to be something I look forward to each day. She is such a calm personality and we think the same regarding many issues, so it is a pleasure sharing that 20 minute walk home with her. Oscar likes her a lot too, so you know she's cool if Oscar has taken to her.

My friend Petya is in the hospital. She's pregnant and has a mild fever so she has been there for almost 2 weeks. I went to see her Saturday, Sunday and yesterday and I have to say the state of the hospitals is shameful here. The floor tiles are broken (linoleum in fact) the lights have no covers, and all the wiring of the fluorescent lights is hanging out, the intercom next to the beds are out of order, the bedside tables are in ruins, and the beds are the same beds I had in my first apartment. Wire hammocks. The whole place is in disarray and no one has repaired or renovated anything since the turn of the century it seems. (Armenian exaggeration again). I hate to be sick in this country!

How they expect anyone to recover in those conditions is beyond me!

We have started the second term, and the kids are better. First day was pretty loud but that is to be expected. My grade nines still have no pulse but then the grade 8s make up for it ten fold.

This DVD player may well be the best purchase I have made here in Bulgaria. I watched "The Butterfly Effect" last night and though it was a hard film to watch, I loved it. I didn't quite guess the ending though I had an idea. It was very well done and to me didn't leave any huge hanging threads like so many Hollywood films do with their impossible storylines.

I've been told I should see "How High" but have a feeling I saw enough of that in my married days, so I will pass. HAHA

17 days till S shows up here. I am counting........

A picture is worth a thousand words....

Actions speak louder than words....

These are two of the main reasons I 'm looking forward to S's visit. Yes there are a thousand other reasons, the least of which will be spending valuable time with him, but both times we've been together have been on his turf.

Why is it so important for him to be on my turf?

Well, when I went to his place, I saw how he lived. This was a good thing since I have had to help people clean their places in the past, and it has solidified the fact that I cannot live with some due to their absolute oblivion of what clean really means. I have felt repulsion at this before in fact. But it goes beyond that.

Having soemone on my turf will allow me to show them a different side of myself. I want to play hostess and not the guest and I want to show him what I am capable of even away from home with the limited amenities available to me in my little pad.

Yes, one thing I do know about myself is that wherever I am, whatever I have or Dont't have, I turn my place into a little home. It doesnt take much, just the K touch and I know I have it!

So when S comes here, he will see me in my element, and see how I do little things, how I live in organized chaos, and how I make my place homey. I feel I am not coveying what I really mean except that he will likely see the real me. In my place, comfortable and at home and somhow different than what I am in his place.

I look forward to that.

Not to mention he has yet to meet my only dependant, and my best pal Oscar! He looks forward to that too.

Uncle, is George coming too?

100th blog

This is my 100th entry and I am happy to say it is going to be a very positive one.

As S and I were talking today, and feeling rather miserable about the next 5 and a half months without each other (but for the week I was due to be there) and discussing options, limited as they are, he got his mail.

Lo and behold he got his naturalization approved for England and if all goes as planned, and again I ask all you to cross your fingers and everything else that you have (OUCH), he should be here on my birthday or a couple of days after that. So that is about 3 weeks from now. GRIN! Suddenly there's a spring in my step!

My day started so rough and ended so well including a talk with my boss where he expressed concern over my finding it hard to be here right now. Apparently it shows.

And then minutes later I found out S can have his passport a week after the natura;ization ceremony.

As I said in a text message to him earlier today; God seems to give me what I need. She really timed it weil this time.

Poetry

I've been reading poetry all morning becasue I want to incorporate it into my lessons for my advanced students. I will be focusing on Maya Angelou, and in particular "I know why the caged bird sings" but this caught my eye.

Who'da thunk he wrote poetry, and such good stuff!!


All That is Gold Does Not Glitter

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

JRR Tolkien

accumulating STUFF!

I broke down and bought a DVD player. I was assured that I could use it in Canada. It remains to be seen. I also bought a portable little mini keyboard for my laptop and hopefully that will enable me to write more to everyone. I can now type N and B and not have the windows close on me. I also have a working space bar. Oh how small things make me so happy.

Tomorrow is the last of the easy days. I am not looking forward to going back to 8am classes. I am not looking forward to Februaury actually. Eventhough my birthday is in this month, I am not relaly looking forward to spending it here all alone. I am not all alone of course. I have people around who make me happy but I want the one person here who cannot be here. Doesnt that just figure!

I'm going to Ava's mom today , who is a dentist and will clean my teeth. Last time I did this was in Korea when I worked for Unique in Gwangju and that was the speediest cleaning I have ever had. I hope they are more thorough here in Bulgaria. Dental work is extremely cheap here and so many come here from Greece for exactly this. Hopefully she wont find any cavities. I dont feel any, so I should be OK.

I baked Carrot cake today and it being the first time I used my oven, I burned both the tops of the cakes. They are still edible and dare I say even popular and my co-workers liked it. I shall bake another and hopefully not let it burn. This weekend I think I will attempt bagels. Keep your fingers crossed folks. Can you tell I need stuff to do?

I have started walking hom with a co-worker. We have done it all week and I get to talk to her outside the 4 walls of ACA. I like her a lot and I feel the feeling is mutual. We have been talking about getting used to living with people and communication between people. I like these kinds of discussions. I like it even more when I find out I have so much in common with someone else who I see each day. Somehow it makes things more comfortable. I hope we can go to a movie this weekend.

Where I belong

I was trying to think of what I would title this blog. I'm listening to The Beatles right now, Sgt. Peppers to be exact and the song "Fixing a hole" came on. These lyrics which I have heard a thousand times before and never absorbed suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and it all fell into place for me:

"And it really doesn’t matter if I’m wrong
I’m right
Where I belong I’m right
Where I belong
See the people standing there who
Disagree and never win
And wonder why they don’t get in my door"

So the question is, where DO I belong?

I have gotten into the habit of writing to S and just letting things flow out of me and the thing that I was able to verbalize today which I have never been able to say quite like this before was this: I want my home to be my sanctuary. In short, I want to be able to close the door each night and leave the world outside and "not let them in my door". I want to feel as free in my home, as careless as I did when I was a child. Without a care in the world. I want to feel like nothing can touch me when I am home with S. And I want to be able to regress into childhood there if I want to.

So then the answer is where I belong is with him, and it matters little where that is, as long as I can have that feeling. As much as I find Toronto the least dynamic of all our options, I think that is where I can have this. I can also have a lot of things that I have been missing there. I miss my mom, my family, and my girlfriends. MY GOD! DO I MISS THEM.

The list is long, but the things I miss other than the people are dancing, galleries, movies, international food, (Topping that list is SODA and Saigon Plalace) and lets not forget my weaknesses; Second Cup coffee and B&R Mint Chocolate chip ice cream! BRING IT ON..........